“Tonight I ordered a cheeseburger and a burger filled with cheese deep-fried in batter arrived. What is Scotland?”

1. Well-fired rolls.

via

Americans don’t know the crunchy delight they’re missing. All they have are bagels, hot dog buns, and soft, pale sub rolls that look like flaccid bread¬†people.

2. Fancy-dress stag dos.

via

Most Ryanair flights from Scotland to Ibiza or Magaluf are 90% Super Marios.

3. Irn-Bru.

via

First of all, it’s not “soda”, it’s “juice”. Secondly: please don’t throw shade at Irn-Bru when your country invented root beer, aka fizzy Germolene.

4. …macaroni pies…

via

Seriously guys, you love mac n’ cheese. Why don’t you have these in the U.S.?

5. Takeaways that serve alcohol.

via

What she doesn’t realize is that we only order wine from a chippy if it’s 9.55pm and we won’t make it to the off license in time. It’s our fourth emergency service.

6. Cheese-in-burgers…

via

“Tonight I ordered a cheeseburger and a burger filled with cheese deep-fried in batter arrived. What is Scotland?”

7. Getting wasted on trains.

via

There are literally 204,202 more of these tweets. Americans just don’t understand why we treat Scotrail like a series of mobile pubs.

8. …and our food in general.

via

Er, we don’t deep fry¬†everything, actually. Just pizza, burgers, Mars bars, chips, fish, sausages, king rib, haggis…um.

9. Letting dugs into pubs.

via

Apart from Scottish Twitter and Irn-Bru, pub dogs are our finest invention.

10. Sunbathing in March and April.

via

OK, we know this is weird. We’ve got an extra-high tolerance for cold weather, and also a severe vitamin D shortage that affects our sense of judgement.

11. The incomprehensible wonders of Scottish Twitter.

via

Scottish Twitter has just overtaken whisky as our most popular export.

12. Our TV shows.

via

Craiglang and Texas really are worlds apart.

13. And rude pub quiz names.

via

In America, they call pub quizzes “trivia nights”, and no one calls their teams things like “Quiz On My T**s.” Shame.

14. Calling children “weans”.

via

It must cause a lot of confusion all round. “That’s my Wayne.” “But she’s a girl”.

15. Our national animal.

via

No one said national animals had to be real.

Advertisements

SHARE