Sometimes you just don’t get what other are really doing, here we have 28 images that show things that Scottish people don’t understand about England. Read the article to know more.
1. English people think that cucumber sandwiches are a food. You’re just joking, right? Sandwiches should contain two things: meat, cheese, or both.
2. You cannot seriously have cheese with fruit in. Way to ruin a perfectly good lump of saturated fat, guys.
3. The Only Way Is Essex. Is it a reality programme? Is it a soap? Is it a glimpse into a post-apocalyptic future? We can’t tell.
4. That whole “Milifandom” thing. What the actual fuck was that about? Ed Miliband looks like a half-melted Wallace and Gromit waxwork, not a heartthrob.
5. Warburtons bread. Why does it never go off? Is it made of plastic? Scottish Plain is way better.
6. And rich tea biscuits. Has there ever been a more joyless, dry, English snack than that? “Oh, I want some kind of biscuit, but I don’t want to actually enjoy it.”
7. Not to mention Pimm’s. What’s the point of it? Is it a drink or a salad?
8. And what’s with all the “elevenses”, “brunch”, and “afternoon tea” shite? Call it what it is: Late Breakfast, Early Lunch, Massive Expensive Snack.
9. Every single possible aspect of Morris dancing.
10. How you cope with only having one day off after New Year. Don’t you get two-day hangovers? You should petition David Cameron or something.
11. Why you allowed Mr Blobby to happen. Someone should be put on trial for that.
12. Why you think haggis is weird when you invented steak and kidney pudding: an organ that processes piss, encased in suet. Lovely.
13. Your love affair with Wimbledon. It’s just hours and hours of people going “URRRGHGH” and failing to hit a ball in the rain. What’s the point?
14. Why are you so hung up on strawberries and champagne? Just have a steak bake and some cava and get the fuck over yourself.
15. Your obsession with cricket. Why do matches go on for three weeks? What the hell is “bad light”? It’s basically just shit, boring rounders for adults.
16. And polo, which is basically just weird posh horseback rounders played by minor royals.
17. What the deal is with Earl Grey tea. Smells of cheap perfume, tastes like those sachets your granny used to put in her underwear drawer.
18. Why there are so many bloody antiques programmes on the BBC. This definitely wasn’t a Scottish decision. See also: programmes about canals.
19. How you stand the fact that your pubs close at 11pm. Again, you need to petition parliament.
20. Why anyone listens to The Archers. A radio drama about posh people in a twee village? Sorry, too busy watching paint dry to tune in.
21. How any human can survive in London. How do you cope being squished up with other folk all of the time? Worse, squished up with other Londoners?
22. Why you’re so polite. “I’m so awfully sorry, you seem to have stepped on my foot.” Just shout “get aff my fucking foot ya fud”, you’ll feel better.
23. Why you seemed to have a collective breakdown when the 5p bag charge came in. It wasn’t an attempt to undermine the fabric of English society.
24. Why you insist on calling fruity rolls “teacakes”. A teacake is made of chocolate and has marshmallow inside. Get a grip.
25. All of that Keep Calm and Carry On tat. How exactly is it funny? And why is it still a thing? It should never have survived the second world war.
26. The fact you have tea vans for the police. Can they not pop into Greggs? Is this what our Scottish tax money is being spent on?
27. Why you all go so nuts over Nando’s. It’s just some chicken. It’s not nearly as cheeky as a deep-fried cheeseburger.
28. Why you keep electing the Tories. OK, fine, we elected one, but only in Dumfriesshire, which is practically in England. Seriously, whyyyyy?